By Chance Read online

  Emma had fallen into an abyss of self-pity that she was struggling to climb out of, so when her office door opened, and Amanda walked in talking ten miles a minute, she breathed deep and used her mentor’s entrance as the boost she needed to come back to reality. She listened intently to all the updates Amanda was giving her before responding.

  “I can get most of this done by tomorrow evening, but some of the phone calls will probably have to wait till Monday. Most people have started unofficially taking off Fridays and therefore won’t be reachable,” she told her as she flipped through the short stack of papers she’d been handed.

  “Perfect. Whatever you don’t finish tomorrow I’ll handle Monday. I need you at Genesis Inc. all of next week.”

  Emma’s heart flew to her throat. “I’m sorry, what? I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

  Amanda smiled her courtroom practiced smile. “You heard me perfectly. Now I suggest you try to catch Jan in the personnel office to have her make your travel arrangements before she leaves for the evening.”

  Emma couldn’t speak. She’d been sitting there, trying to think of an excuse to call Seth … and now she was spending the entire week at Genesis Inc. Even if the lump in her throat hadn’t prevented her from speaking, she wasn’t sure she’d have been able to find the words.

  She stuttered and stumbled trying to respond before Amanda finally took pity on her. She leaned over Emma’s desk, locked her eyes on her intern, and said, “If there is only one thing that you leave this office having learned, let it be that nothing in this world is black and white.”

  Emma continued to stare. Was Amanda saying what it sounded like she was saying? Wasn’t it unprofessional, not to mention delusional, to think that she could or should attempt to have anything to do with a man like Seth? Amanda couldn’t be talking about that, though … she didn’t know about the kiss or the conversation or any of that. In fact, she probably would have fired her had she known. Emma convinced herself she was hearing what she wanted to hear, and not what her boss was actually saying.

  Amanda shook her head slightly at Emma with a small frown on her face. “Make sure you call Jan.”

  Emma nodded and swallowed. “I will,” she told her as she watched Amanda head toward the door.

  Amanda put her hand on the knob and turned, puling the door open just slightly. “Oh, and two more things. First, I know more than you think I do. Second, part of being a strong female in the business world includes being female. So do try to enjoy it. Historically speaking, causes need to be worth fighting for. If we can’t celebrate being female, how on earth can we expect anyone else to?” she finished, leaving Emma in the dark, hanging on to her words.

  The train ride home was more depressing than Seth had anticipated. He’d almost called Joey to have him meet him at the station but decided that he wanted to be alone. There was no place better than a train out of New York City to be both completely surrounded by people, yet utterly alone.

  Thoughts of his lips against Emma’s and the feel of the girl in that club against his skin swirled together with images of Shannon with Gideon and the rejection that had come from Emma’s beautiful lips. The thoughts made him ache, in good ways and in bad. For someone that worked so hard to be sure of himself and his path, he was feeling completely lost by the time he arrived back to his echoing apartment. It was almost as if even his home wanted to remind him that he was alone.

  After tossing his things into his bedroom where they’d ultimately stay until his once-a-week domestic engineer came to tidy things, he stopped at the bar in the living room and poured himself a glass of whiskey. He swirled the dark liquid around the glass a few times before he brought it to his lips and took a deep gulp. He loved the smooth fire the whiskey left in his throat. He set the glass down and called the office, letting Shannon know he was back. Calling her was much easier than calling Gid and Aaron, she’d get the message to both of them.

  “Hey Shannon, could you let the guys know I’m back? Also, you should be getting an email from the real estate office with copies of the purchasing agreement. Could you make sure copies are ready for the meeting Monday? I’m going to try to stay M.I.A for the weekend.”

  Shannon’s voice, softer than usual and seemingly laced with concern, came through his phone. “Of course. I’ll take care of everything. Do you want me to forward your calls to my cell? That way no one bothers you this weekend.”

  Seth almost laughed. If only she knew just how much she bothered him, or any of the other things that lived only in his head. The phone was the least of his worries.

  As soon as the words floated through his mind, he chastised himself for them. It wasn’t Shannon’s fault that her being with Gideon had hurt him. She had no idea that he was even interested in her. She was amazing at her job, and it was easy to see that she was quickly becoming an irreplaceable part of their team. He shook his head, though no one could see him. “No, thank you. I’ll be working on some things anyway. Maybe an interruption would be appreciated.”

  He heard Shannon let out a breath before she added some perk to her voice. “If you’re sure. But if you change your mind be sure to call, and I’ll get it switched ASAP.”

  Seth attempted to smile so that she would hear it in his voice. “I promise. By the way, have any of us told you lately how much you’re appreciated, how good of a job you’re doing?”

  Seth heard true happiness in her voice now. “Not lately, sir.” She laughed.

  “Well, was me saying it just now sufficient, or should I say it again?” he asked her playfully.

  Seth could picture the slight blush that was undoubtedly spreading across her cheeks as she told him, “Say it as many times as you like.”

  His frozen reflexes and blank brain were all the evidence he needed to support his theory of him being complete rubbish when it came to interacting with women. The words were flying out of his mouth before he could stop them.

  “Shannon, if I’d asked you out when we’d first met what would you have said?”

  Silence. Then a quiet hmmm. Then more silence. Seth hit himself in the forehead. “Please forget I said that. Please. It was grossly over the line and in horrible taste. Please forgive me.”

  “Sir. Is everything okay?”

  Seth thought about Shannon’s question. Was he okay? He wasn’t sure. All his thoughts were mixing together, the negative unflattering ones standing out and overpowering the more rational ones. He wasn’t sure what to do with them all.

  “I’m fine. Well, I will be if you say you forgive me. I really am sorry. I just … sometimes I just …” He stopped, not sure how to finish the thought.

  “Sometimes you wonder if what you think is real, actually is?” Shannon asked him quietly.

  Her words resonated somewhere deep with in him. She got it. He smiled a little. “Yeah. Like are the things that seem meant to be, meant to be? Are things predetermined?”

  “There’s nothing to forgive. I’ll answer your question. I probably would have, but honestly, I would have still slept with Gid.”

  Seth was taken aback by her honesty, and sat silent for a moment before telling her “I’m not sure what to say to that.”

  “I would have still slept with Gid because one date with you would have been all it took for us to realize that we have nothing in common. You are way too good—in a light-hearted, caring type of way—for someone like me.”

  Her words stung as they lashed him. She thought him weak and unappealing, a goody-goody that couldn’t handle someone like her. “I see,” he retorted.

  She must have heard the new stiffness in his voice. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s a wonderful thing. Just because it wouldn’t have happened, just because you truly are too good for me, doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have wanted it with every part of me. Sometimes I think about things like that. What it would be like to be in a real relationship, one that was about emotions and reality, rather than just sex and chemistry.” Seth listened intently, the a
nger in his chest turning almost to pity as she continued. “I would have hurt you, and then I would have never been able to forgive myself. See? That just proves it, how selfish I am. I wouldn’t have chosen not to be with you to save you; it would have been to save me. I really suck.”

  The longer she talked the more Seth realized that she wasn’t at all who he thought she was. His anger rose once again and settled into his chest. “Shannon, please. None of that is true. You aren’t selfish, and I promise I am not too good for you. Quite the opposite. You’re caring and poised, trustworthy and fun. You light up a room when you walk into it, and command everyone’s attention when you speak. You carry yourself with confidence, and you’re self-assured. You’re not who you think you are and because of that, you’re not completely who I thought you were. But ya know what?” Seth paused for a moment. He thought he heard Shannon sniffle, like maybe she’d been crying. “It’s good that you know enough to figure all of this out. Better that you’re going through life with the lights on and learning things. That’s why when you say I’m too good for you, I know it isn’t true. I was content in the background. I like the dark. It’s comforting to me. You deserve to live in the light, to be with someone who can make you shine, like Gid.”

  Shannon sniffled again. “You’re really great, and if that Emma girl knows what’s good for her, she’ll come around.”

  Seth froze. How on earth could Shannon possibly know about Emma. He hadn’t told a soul about her, not even Aaron and Gideon. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t said anything to them. They’d asked all about his trip and if he’d met anyone when he’d talked to them throughout the week, but something had prevented him from telling them. Almost like if he didn’t say anything she was somehow just his. “What?”

  “Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. I didn’t just say that. I have to go.”

  “No! Shannon don’t you dare hang up that phone! Who told you about Emma? I’ve said nothing about her to anyone.”

  Shannon was still swearing under her breath. He could hear the tail end of words that made Gideon’s mouth seem clean. Eventually she spoke to him. “I don’t think I was supposed to say anything. Shit. I’m sorry. I’m always fucking things up.”

  “Shannon, focus. Who told you about Emma?”

  Seth heard her sharp intake of breath before she quickly exhaled the word, “Amanda.” Then she hung up the phone.

  “Fuck,” Seth said to the empty apartment.

  Eleven

  Seth woke Monday morning with the headache to define all headaches. He’d spent the weekend in his dining room, which was doubling as a makeshift war room, pouring over every tiny detail of Lily and Oak’s catalogues, their online site, and even their old product packaging, all while slugging delivered bottles of whiskey and thinking about what an ass he’d been to Emma. He’d found nothing useful in his research and had successfully ruined his back from passing out on the carpet.

  This morning was no different. He cracked his eyes open slowly, and the light immediately set his head thumping. His mouth tasted foul, like stale liquor and crappy sleep … two things that were becoming all too familiar. Using what little strength he had in his limbs, he pushed himself off the floor and did his best to stumble to the bathroom for a shower.

  Immediately locating the medicine cabinet, he tossed down a few Advil with a handful of water from the sink before stripping and stepping into the shower. The water assaulted his overused muscles, causing the pounding in his skull to increase. He washed as quickly as possible, thankful when the water was off and he had wrapped himself in a towel.

  Normally, it took him about half an hour to get ready for work. His clothes were all pre-pressed and ready for him to wear straight from the closet. His hair was easily managed with a bit of this pomade stuff the girl that cut it had given him. This morning, however, he was unorganized. He had to collect and stuff all the papers from the table into his bag so he could take them to the office for their weekly meeting, not to mention that getting dressed was a task in and of itself.

  He was looking forward to the weekly meeting. He’d accomplished a lot while in New York, so he had a lot to share with his partners. And for once he was looking forward to seeing Shannon, and it wasn’t stressful. He genuinely liked her and enjoyed her company. But Seth had always gone into all of their meetings with thoughts of how he could make her his … up until today. He no longer cared about that. It was freeing, and he was genuinely happy for her and Gid.

  “Good morning, Mr. Ellison,” Shannon chirped from behind her desk.

  “Good morning, Shannon. I apologize. I know I’m a few minutes late. Are Aaron and Gideon both in the conference room already?”

  Shannon stood and collected a few folders off her desk. “Not yet. Aaron is showing the rep from Thompson and Freeman where she can set up her temporary office.”

  Seth’s world stopped. He didn’t even feel the pounding in his head for a moment. “A rep from Thompson and Freeman? Which rep?”

  Shannon moved from around her desk. “I’m not sure. I’m sorry. I don’t know much about it other than Aaron is giving her the research room as her office while she’s here.”

  Seth nodded. “Fine. Okay that’s fine. I’ll go grab him, and we’ll meet you and Gid in the conference room.”

  Shannon stalled right next to him, placing a hand on his arm. She looked at him through hooded eyes. “Are you doing okay? I texted a few times over the weekend.”

  Seth felt like an ass. He’d gotten Shannon’s messages. He’d gotten Gid’s too. He just hadn’t had the strength to text them back. He’d only wanted to talk to Emma, but he’d had no idea how to do that. Plus he’d been busy. “Yes, sorry. I’m fine. I spent the weekend pouring over all the things I have stuffed in here,” he told her, lifting and shaking his bag. “I’m fine. I promise.”

  Shannon dropped her hand. “If you’re sure.”

  Seth took a step away from her and toward the research room. “I’m positive. We’ll see you in five.”

  Seth knew that Shannon must have said something to Gideon about him knowing about the two of them. He really wished she hadn’t. Seth knew what Gid was going to think, because Gid saw everything. He was a master at reading people.

  He stood outside the research room listening to Aaron explain to the Thompson and Freeman rep that he had to head out to his weekly meeting. The rep must have non-verbally responded, because he heard nothing until Aaron was face to face with him in the doorway.

  “Thompson and Freeman sent an onsite rep? But why?”

  “Good morning to you too, partner. Actually, I was kind of hoping you could explain that. You were just there, after all.”

  Seth shook his head as the two of them headed toward the conference room together. “Amanda didn’t say a word about sending a rep. I do have info to share, but nothing like that.”

  “Hmm. Well, she’s here now. We’ll figure it out.”

  Seth’s heart started to beat faster causing the hammering in his head to pick up its pace. “She?”

  Aaron pulled open the conference room door. “Yes, she. Ms. Dixon.”

  Seth struggled hard to keep himself upright. Why hadn’t he realized it was a girl before when Shannon told him? He felt like an ass. His breathing had become shallow and he was starting to sweat. “I’ll, um … I’ll be in in a minute. Start without me.”

  Seth looked up to see that Gideon and Shannon had been deep in conversation, but stopped to focus on him and Aaron. He did his best to smile and assure them he was okay, but it came out painfully, and he was sure the smile ended up more of a grimace. Gideon started toward Seth. Seth waved him away. “I’m fine. Just need a minute,” he told them before heading right back down the way he came.

  Seth couldn’t think straight; the pounding in his ears was clouding all of his judgment. He moved faster than he would have thought possible down the hallway until he stood outside of the research room door. He took a deep breath, excitement and fear rushing through his body, a
s he resolved himself and stepped into the room.

  He’d known he’d see her again eventually, but the sight of her took his breath away anyway. She was beautiful. He remembered meeting her on the train platform when she was casually dressed without a stitch of makeup on, and that girl flummoxed him just as much as the woman before him. The one in the professionally cut suit with her long hair pulled back into a no-nonsense twist with just a touch of makeup on her face. She was poised, professional, and completely put together. He took a breath as she lifted her head and spotted him staring at her. Seth watched as she lowered her eyes and started to stand. “I’m really sorry, Mr. Ellison. Ms. Freeman thought that the case would be more easily researched from here. She thought it best that I come since I’ve been on the case for the last few weeks and had already met you.” Seth was transfixed. Her words weren’t fully registering, only the fact that she was moving closer to him. The heat and scent of her body overwhelmed him.

  “If my presence is going to be an issue, I can contact the firm and request a replacement to be sent.” She stopped moving as her words fell flat. She was so close Seth could touch her easily. “And about the other thing. I think I may have … “

  Seth didn’t give her the opportunity to finish. He reached forward, taking her small waist in one hand, pulling her tightly against his body as he brought his other hand to the side of her face. Seth searched her eyes for anything telling him that he’d overstepped, that him holding her was unwanted. He was pleased to see her eyes were bright and just as fixed on his. He felt her chest more rapidly rising and falling against his own as he traced her jawline with the pad of his thumb.